The issue of obtaining consent shouldn’t be complicated, but the reality is that it can become very complicated. Rape is a serious matter, it was mostly taken for granted within African communities, and this is of course changing.
The majority of the victims of rape are woman and young children and the perpetrators are in the majority men. This is not to imply that men can’t be raped. Of course they are raped.
- The initiator needs to ensure that if “yes” is equal to the other party genuinely wants to have sex with them
Some people in position of authority can get a “yes” from the other person, just because the other person is scared of them. This element is an example of how easy it is to mistake submission for consent. Let’s me clarify this: a boss can ask his worker to have sex with him in exchange of carrying on working for him, and it is clear that if the worker says ‘no’ to that she will be fired. Therefore her ‘yes’ want be genuine. Blackmailing someone to have sex with them is a rape.
- Consent can’t be obtained if the person is unconscious or intoxicated
Remember that if a person is unconscious they are not in control of all their senses. It is therefore your place to protect them from being violated.
If the other party is under the influence of alcohol, you can’t take them to your bed. It is better to make sure that they are safe.
- If they said yes once, that doesn’t mean that you have free pass all the time
Let me illustrate this with an example, if you know that you don’t like to go out at night and you do it once, does it mean that you changed your mind? Of course not, it just means that maybe you decided to do it once
- If a person changes their mind during the act, you need to stop
It doesn’t mean that when you are busy grinding away, you also lose your mind. You need to be aware that you can only go as far as your partner allows you. If just after the intercourse begins, your partner decides to change their mind, you are obliged to stop, because she isn’t consenting to the act anymore
- Even married couples need to consent
Is it possible for married couples to rape each other?
The answer is ‘yes’, therefore married couples need to consent to sex every time they are going to do it. Paying bride price does not mean free access, if you think like that you might just be raping.