A break-up can feel like the end of the world. We have all been there. Almost everybody goes through these heart-wrenching transitions at one point in their romantic lives. Being strong will be difficult initially, but, as difficult and vague as this may sound, time still heals all wounds. With time your wounds will heal and you would feel better and stronger than ever.
The truth is, our individual reactions to the end of a romantic relationship vary. They are often shaped by such factors as age, gender, level of emotional involvement, and even our attachment style, as well as the age of the relationship.
According to Monmount University psychologist, Dr. Gary Lewandowski, people tend to experience a wide range of emotions following a break-up – including sadness, loneliness, anger, distress, and confusion. At the same time however, he says these feelings can be accompanied by positive emotions as well, such as relief, freedom, optimism, and empowerment, especially if the relationship was an abusive one.
We would take a look at some major steps to getting over a break-up.
- Coping with the grief :
As couples get closer over time, an individual’s sense of self often becomes increasingly intertwined with the other’s. For many people, break-up feels like losing a limb.Hence, the first step is to recognize that you have lost a piece of yourself. You could go to your closet and cry your eyes out. This would be more effective with a family member, friend or trusted loved one. Do not fall for the temptation of expressing anger in a violent way. It would only make you feel more anger.
- Cut Off:
Next, cut off ties with your ex as much as you can(except you want to get your ex back; you should not be reading this then). Holding on to treasured gifts, pictures of two of you will hold you back from healing and moving on. If you have things that seem too nice to throw out, consider donating them to charity or to a thrift store. Resist the urge to do those things you used to do together. Memories can be triggered also by scents and sounds. If you find yourself going back down memory lane as a result of any of these, don’t try to fight it. Just acknowledge it and move on. It would also be nice to delete your ex from your social media accounts. Do not however get nasty, harsh or rude whenever you happen to see your ex. Do not post things on their wall or break their windscreen. Act matured and move on. Forgive and forget.
- Re-unite with Self :
After a break-up, many people get stuck because they do not remember how life used to be without their ex. You would have to get back with enjoying your own company as well as other friends and loved ones around you. Take yourself out. Treat yourself to wonderful things no matter how little as much as you can afford. Get busy with things that make you happy. You could even take on a new hobby, make new friends, get a life.
- Focus on the Positive :
One way to recover one’s self after a break-up is to purposely focus on the positive. Be optimistic about the future. That way, when new prospects come around, you would not find yourself comparing them to your ex or judging them by the failures of your ex. See your past relationship as an experience you should learn from.
- Time : Finally, give it time. You are heartbroken now, but you will not be heartbroken later. Time really heals all wounds. While it is not easy to think of your ex as a memory now, one day you will look back and he or she would be a memory you get quite fond of and glad happened.